This week has been pretty average, I have been on a couple of 7.5 mile runs with the husband, first run was ok, 2nd run was shite... I could not run for toffee, i could not get my breathing right, i blew it. Still, not going to threat about it..
I feel life is pretty shit at the moment, (and if you read this Alan, it's not about you ok!!!)
I feel angry, I can't afford anything, i want a holiday, I don't want to go running, i liked the gym but i can't afford to go to the gym. Yes it's all about me, i work hard, yes it;s only part-time but it's pretty full on, I want to have something nice when i get paid.. what do i get ...NADA, yes i know there are people worse of, and NO, i don't know what to do about it!!
I used to drive around in new cars, now.. well now i can't even afford to put my OLD car on the road, it's mot was due and it needed work, so it's off the road.
I am finding it extremely difficult to look to the future, i don't have anything to look forward to. Yes I am looking forward to seeing Thomas and Hannah growing up and looking forward to grandchildren, but I am just waiting, sat here waiting for these things to happen. Is this what happens when you get old, you just sit around waiting and waiting and waiting!!
I know i sound like a cow but it's not wrong to want things. I want to go and see Les Miserables, really really want to see it, but I can't.. I can't have anything, i can't do anything, i can't have any luxuries in life.. oh and I hate shopping in fucking Aldi because I can't afford to shop in Tesco anymore!! Luckily for me, I don't have to shop with the other poor people of Dover as Alan does it and he isn't bothered. I hate the shop, i hate the people that shop there and i feel like a poor person when i go there. I feel people look at me (dirty smelly people) and think i am the same as them..
Hannah has a driving test soon, so when she passes, we will have to get my car sorted so she can use it for work as she does shift work, so even when my car is on the road, I won't get to use it!
I thought I could do better than Val, but really I am no better, infact she is probably far better off than me. I used to look at her and hoped to god that i never looked like her but, here i am, can't afford to get my fucking hair cut, my clothes are shit, my hair is shit.. everything is shit..
Friday, 14 March 2014
Wednesday, 12 March 2014
oh my god!
Well last week what a disaster food wise. I ate and ate and ate i nearly made myself sick!!
I don't know what's going on in my little head but i seem to have lost my motivation to stick to any form of healthy eating.
So today, started off ok, 2 slices of brown bread with peanut butter, no butter, I'm thinking low GI might be a good way to go.
Exercise was a7.5 mile run, burning 681 cals, and boy was it hard, i am 8lbs heavier than normal so putting that into perspective, that's 4 bags of sugar to carry around.
I am knocking the wine on the head, i don't know if i will stop drinking it all together as yet, will see how it goes. I usually have 2 - 3 large glasses of red every evening and loads more at the weekend, so i'm trying not to have any at all. So far so good, Monday & Tuesday = no wine.
I don't know what's going on in my little head but i seem to have lost my motivation to stick to any form of healthy eating.
So today, started off ok, 2 slices of brown bread with peanut butter, no butter, I'm thinking low GI might be a good way to go.
Exercise was a7.5 mile run, burning 681 cals, and boy was it hard, i am 8lbs heavier than normal so putting that into perspective, that's 4 bags of sugar to carry around.
I am knocking the wine on the head, i don't know if i will stop drinking it all together as yet, will see how it goes. I usually have 2 - 3 large glasses of red every evening and loads more at the weekend, so i'm trying not to have any at all. So far so good, Monday & Tuesday = no wine.
Monday, 3 March 2014
Here we go again...lol
So it's Monday morning and I am thinking that i need to get back on track. I have gained weight and now weigh 10stone 6lbs. I've not been running for about a month, and i've been over eating. so here we go again., back to portion control, not drinking wine every night and generally behaving. zzzzzzzzzz how boring. mmmm. I'm not sure if i'm ready for it to be honest but will give it a go. I think it will be easier when the weather improves and i can get back to running and generally feeling happier about myself.
It's so easy to gain weight, but a bugger to lose it. I will not be dieting, i will not be following a plan, i will be plain old healthy eating and not over eating.. Sounds simple and that's what it should be.
I posted recently about people i work with being on the 'slim fast diet' well that lasted for all about 4 weeks.. pah, told you didn't I..lol
I have ordered one of these, i have not been drinking water of late and need to do so. I found whilst drinking water my skin was better, i felt better.. This little bottle filters water (about 300 bottles worth) I do not have access to decent drinking water at work so this little number will come in handy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bobble-Sport-Water-Bottle-Magenta/dp/B009XDJS9Y/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1393847056&sr=8-3&keywords=bobbles+bottle
It's so easy to gain weight, but a bugger to lose it. I will not be dieting, i will not be following a plan, i will be plain old healthy eating and not over eating.. Sounds simple and that's what it should be.
I posted recently about people i work with being on the 'slim fast diet' well that lasted for all about 4 weeks.. pah, told you didn't I..lol
I have ordered one of these, i have not been drinking water of late and need to do so. I found whilst drinking water my skin was better, i felt better.. This little bottle filters water (about 300 bottles worth) I do not have access to decent drinking water at work so this little number will come in handy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bobble-Sport-Water-Bottle-Magenta/dp/B009XDJS9Y/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1393847056&sr=8-3&keywords=bobbles+bottle
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